she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
