I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The adults are the big ones right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
