shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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