it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
