i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
