I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
its liver damage thursday
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
