I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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