Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were trust falling into bushes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
