Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The struggles of a small town man whore
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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