Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
