Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
