I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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