I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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