I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
