I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
