Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I pour the whiskey from now on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
