So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
