Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
