there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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