I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
