I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
