I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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