If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
