He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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