I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
