I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
