I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
