just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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