instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
