That's when you crack a 10am beer
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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