if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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