I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
