Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
