I hate all girls vehemently.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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