We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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