I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
