oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
