he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
