i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
