Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
