he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
