I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
