Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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