You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She said her name was "party"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
