If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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