Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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