I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
