I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
