quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
