i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
