I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Randomize
