I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
