This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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