i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
