nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
