I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize