She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
