Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
