Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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