dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You are a genius and a whore.
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