tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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