I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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