I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
