My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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