from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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