At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
