and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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