If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
