i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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