so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize