How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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